A Little Humor for the Day
Ok … 2 jokes and then everyone has to get back on their heads (punch line to an ancient joke).
For the first offering:
A cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Obama was trying to gather support. When Obama discovered the cowboy was from President Bush’s home area, he started to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl & single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The cowboy says, “Y’all havin’ some problem with them circle flies?”
Obama stopped talking & said, “Well, yes, if that’s what they’re called, but I’ve never heard of circle flies.”
“The cowboy replies, “Circle flies hang around ranches. They’re called circle flies because they’re almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.”
“Oh,” Obama replies as he goes back to rambling. But, a moment later he stops & bluntly asks, “Are you calling me a horse’s ass?”
“No,” the cowboy replies, “I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse’s ass.”
“That’s a good thing,” Obama responds & begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, “Hard to fool them flies, though.”
Enough political humor or you agree that we elect far too many jokes.
Here is Proof That The World Is Nuts
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than ‘going blind!’)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.
(Is this a great country or what? Well, not as great as Guam!)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
The ant can lift 50 times it’s own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of?) (Did our government pay for this research??)
Butterflies taste with their feet..
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish don’t have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
And, the best for last?
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this. If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam!